Gouvernement du Canada
MINISTRY OF THE ATTORNEY GENERAL
MINISTERE DU PROCUREUR GENERAL
December 12, 2011
Mr. S. Claus
Santa Claus Enterprises Inc.
1 Icy Road Way
North Pole
H0H 0H0
RE: VIOLATIONS OF GOVERNMENT LEGISLATION AND POSSIBLE
Dear Sir:
This letter is to advise you that a coordinated investigation by various departments within both the Federal and several Provincial Governments has been completed. As a result of that investigation, it has been determined that your organization is in violation of the following provincial and federal statutes and regulations .
Violation of the Tax Code
1. Goods & Services Tax
Your firm has not filed for a Goods And Services (GST) tax license and number which is required under the law nor has your firm filed the required monthly GST forms. You are required to immediately contact the appropriate department at Canada Revenue Agency to obtain your GST number and to file returns for all years of eligible operation.
They can be reached by calling Service Canada 800-800-8000, Monday through Friday between 8:37 am and 8:52 am.
Alternately, you can register on line at
www. governmentofcanada/giveusyourmoney.gc.ca.up.yours.
They can be reached by calling Service Canada 800-800-8000, Monday through Friday between 8:37 am and 8:52 am.
Alternately, you can register on line at
www. governmentofcanada/giveusyourmoney.gc.ca.up.yours.
2. Personal Income tax
As you have not filed a personal tax return since commencing work, you are required to submit immediately an income tax return attaching either a T4 or T4a forms, detailing your income for each of the past 142 years. Failure to comply will result in an assessment by The Canada Revenue Agency which may include a 10% penalty for each year not filed plus interest dating from the first year in which taxable income was earned.
T4 forms are to be submitted immediately for all elves currently in your employ on a full-time bases and T4A forms to be submitted for any elves who are on seasonal contract employment. You are also required to submit the same forms for all former elfin employees.
3. Corporations Tax
Your company has not filed a corporate tax return since beginning operations and accordingly The Canada Revenue Agency will be conducting an audit of your company on December 28, 2011. Please have the following records available.
a) Statement of earnings/liabilities from commencement of operations
b) Bank records from date of commencement of operations
c) Net Profit/Loss statement
d) Payroll records (please note: we have no record that you have
deducted income tax from your Elfin employees and remitted them
to the government as required under the tax act.
deducted income tax from your Elfin employees and remitted them
to the government as required under the tax act.
e) List of corporate directors and shareholders
f) Your check book
f) Your check book
Please note: For those provinces which have not harmonized their sales tax with the Federal GST, you may face further audits and penalties for failure to remit provincial sales tax returns.
Please also note: Your application for benefits under the Canada Pension Plan has been denied on the basis that you are still gainfully employed. Your application for Employment Insurance benefits for those parts of the year you are not working has also been denied on the basis that you are self-employed and therefore not eligible for benefits under the Employment Insurance guidelines.
Yours truly
Please also note: Your application for benefits under the Canada Pension Plan has been denied on the basis that you are still gainfully employed. Your application for Employment Insurance benefits for those parts of the year you are not working has also been denied on the basis that you are self-employed and therefore not eligible for benefits under the Employment Insurance guidelines.
Violations of the Canada Labour Code and Immigration Legislation
Be advised that your current method of operation does not comply with legislated requirements under the Labour Code of Canada, in that:
1. No deductions at source have been made or remitted for government Health Insurance premiums for workers and you have not paid the employer share of the health tax for each employee.
2. You are employing alien and undocumented workers (elves) who may have entered the country illegally.
3. Working hours exceed mandated standards and are a violation of the Labour Code
4. Conditions in your factory do not comply with acceptable minimum standards for health and safety, in that you do not require elves to wear the appropriate safety equipment including safety goggles, hard hats, steel toed work boots or work gloves. Cute green outfits with Robin Hood hats and slippers with bells on them are not in compliance with The Code.
5. You have not registered your employees for Workman’s Compensation (refer to new legislation changing terminology to Workerperson’s Compensation).
6. Your firm is not paying elves the mandatory minimum wage and upon completion of an audit may be required to compensate all current and former elf employees up to the level of income guaranteed under the Minimum Wage Statute plus applicable interest.
Violation of Transport Act & Import/Export Regulations
1. Your sleigh is an unregistered vehicle and has not had the required safety check or the emissions test which are requirements to obtain a license for operation.
2. You have not taken the required driver safety test in order to obtain a vehicle operator’s license.
3. Your sled does not have the required safety equipment including, a horn, front and back lights, proper child restraint for any elves travelling with you, windshield wipers, windshield, seat belts or a spare runner.
4. Your sled is does not meet the legal definition of an aircraft under the Federal Aviation Act and you have flown it annually for 142 years without applying for or obtaining a pilot's license.
5. You have not applied for a passport and have entered and exited the country illegally and without clearance through customs. On behalf of various other countries, INTERPOL will be contacting you on this matter as well.
6. You routinely export millions of toys annually without paying the excise tax and without the proper government export license and you routinely import unsafe materials from China in the making of your toys in order to reduce costs.
Violation of Animal Welfare Regulations
Under the law, all owners of animals are required to ensure the proper care and feeding of animals they own. You are in violation of these regulations in that
1. You have imported exotic animals (reindeer) without the proper exotic pet’s license.
2. You have mistreated your reindeer by forcing them to pull your sled for no less than 24 hours at a time and have forced one reindeer to wear a red bulb on its nose causing severe burns to its nasal passage and damage to its eyes from the bright blinking light.
You have permitted other reindeer to taunt and bully one reindeer, which we believe is named either Randalph or Rudolf. You are reminded that under current federal and provincial legislation you are required to provide and maintain a harassment free workplace.
You have permitted other reindeer to taunt and bully one reindeer, which we believe is named either Randalph or Rudolf. You are reminded that under current federal and provincial legislation you are required to provide and maintain a harassment free workplace.
Potential Criminal Liability
As well as these violations of various government legislative requirements, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have served notice that they are in discussion with their provincial law enforcement counterparts to consider possible criminal charges for the following:
1. Criminal Trespass in that you have been accused of breaking and entering various homes on Christmas Eve.
2. Theft under $5000 in that you are accused of taking various items from the homes you break and enter, specifically milk and cookies
3. Extortion in that you visit various retail locations in November and December where you encourage children to believe you will bring them what they want for Christmas if their parents pay to have a picture of them taken with you.
4. You leave lumps of coal for those children you consider to have been naughty which is in direct violation of the Environmental Protection Act as coal has been deemed a noxious substance.
5. You do not poop and scoop after your reindeer which would normally be considered a municipal misdemeanour but considering the volume and scope of the poop and your random distribution of it globally, it is considered a violation of Section 3a, subsec 29 para 402 of the EPA.
6. You wilfully caused untold damage to the roof tops and chimney's of the homes of private citizens with your sled and by illegal entry
Be advised, these are serious matters which the government intends to pursue vigorously on behalf of the people of Canada.
Govern yourself accordingly.
Govern yourself accordingly.
If I can be of further assistance in addressing these matters, please feel free to contact me at 1-800-904-1122 , oh wait, I can't be reached. Never mind.
On behalf of the Government and people of Canada I would also like to take this opportunity to wish you and all of your elves, a very Merry Christmas - Joyeux Noel.
On a personal note, I would really love a new iPhone this Christmas.
On behalf of the Government and people of Canada I would also like to take this opportunity to wish you and all of your elves, a very Merry Christmas - Joyeux Noel.
On a personal note, I would really love a new iPhone this Christmas.
Yours truly
E. Scrooge
Director General - Enforcement Branch
Ministry of the Attorney General
Government of Canada
22 Bureaucrat's Way
Ottawa, On
cc: Attorney General Of Canada
Assistant Deputy Minister, Office of Enforcement AGC
The Grinch
© 2011 Maggie's Bear
cc: Attorney General Of Canada
Assistant Deputy Minister, Office of Enforcement AGC
The Grinch
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