After watching a half dozen elections over the past year in Canada and voting in a couple, as well as, the ongoing GOP primary I’m all but electioned out. It isn’t that I’m tired of elections or voting, I’m tired of hearing the same old stuff over and over again. We need a political party with vision, a political party unafraid to face the challenges of our times with bold ideas and innovative thinking.
There was such a party in Canada once. It stood tall and campaigned on the issues that mattered. It fought for those issues from the 1960s through to the 1990s and then finally dissolved in frustration and disappointment as the bigger and better financed parties overwhelmed it with election ad spending.
It was called The Rhinoceros Party of Canada and I intend to encourage the resurrection of the principles and values for which it stood and the issues for which it fought so hard.
It was called The Rhinoceros Party of Canada and I intend to encourage the resurrection of the principles and values for which it stood and the issues for which it fought so hard.
The Rhinoceros Party platform was solid. It was made of wood and was about 2’ high.
Beyond that it put forward the issues that matter and I want people to remember those issues in this election year and demand that candidates for all parties give them proper consideration. Below are the issues raised by the Rhinos with some slight amendments due to the fact that it is now 15 years later and some issues have evolved. The amendments are in italics so that the original Rhinoceros Party is credited for the ideas it developed.
Beyond that it put forward the issues that matter and I want people to remember those issues in this election year and demand that candidates for all parties give them proper consideration. Below are the issues raised by the Rhinos with some slight amendments due to the fact that it is now 15 years later and some issues have evolved. The amendments are in italics so that the original Rhinoceros Party is credited for the ideas it developed.
The Canadian Navy demonstrating how it will tow Antarctica to the North Pole |
1. Canada will tow the Antarctic to the North Pole giving the country a monopoly on cold in the event of another Cold War.
2. The Law of Gravity is to be repealed immediately upon election of the Rhinoceros Party to government.
3. Abolish the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and it takes up so much space
4. Canada will declare war on the United States, surrender immediately and apply for foreign aid from the U.S. as part of a national infrastructure rebuilding program.
5. The National Debt will be put on Visa, MasterCard and American Express cards and only the minimum monthly payments will be made in perpetuity.
6. The Trans-Canada Highway will be made a one-way road ending in the Pacific Ocean in Vancouver. Only really stupid people will be allowed to drive it and there will be no exit ramps before Vancouver.
Based on this photo it would appear that more than a few of the 1000 Islands are missing |
7. An inventory will be taken of the Thousand Islands to make sure that the Americans haven't stolen any.
8. More accessibility to higher education will be achieved by building taller schools. University tuition will be free. Parking and lockers will cost $10,000 per year.
9. Illiteracy will be made an official language as it appears the country is half way there now it might as well be officially recognized.
10. The country will aggressively pursue sustainable energy programs, particularly from wind. All Canadians will be issued with beanies that have small propellers on top to harness the wind’s energy and a new hot air trapping system will be developed and hooked up to Parliament. Cattle farts will be captured and converted to a usable fuel to replace unethical oil. (we’ll see how long the environmentalists like having their cars smell like bullshit)
11. Canada will annex the Turks & Caicos Islands and offer discounts on Speedo thongs for men. (Don’t visualize please, just move along). The Department of Tourism will then promote Canada internationally as a tropical destination in order to boost tourism revenues.
Driving lanes will be abolished. |
13. All species will be declared endangered except those that are really, really good to eat.
14. We will end crime by legalizing it.
15. The National Anthem will be renamed “Oh Canada, eh?”
16. The Order of Canada medal will be replaced by The Suggestion of Canada medal to make it more polite and less demanding.
17. We will tear down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans can see the Pacific sunset
18. We will solve the low Old Age Security issue by giving all retired Canadians the same pensions as retiring senators.
18. We will solve the low Old Age Security issue by giving all retired Canadians the same pensions as retiring senators.
Silly? Perhaps but compare these policy promises to some of the foolishness offered by today's politicians. How about the Gingrich plan to put a colony on the moon and when it reaches 13,000 people have the moon declared a state. Or the recent promise of the Liberal Party of Canada to develop a national dementia strategy. We face serious economic and social issues in our democracies today but some of things coming out of the mouths of politicians make the Rhinoceros Party look absolutely prophetic and there is little doubt that it would be considered mainstream these days.
While the Rhinoceros Party is long gone, their ideals live on. It is my hope that each person who reads this will rise up and demand our politicians stop pandering to special interest, garner some common sense and trade their arrogance for a little self-respect and respect for the electorate.
As for the rest of us? Forget occupying parks with tent cities and tweeting one liners. Put pressure on candidates from whatever political party you support to stop their foolishness and start focusing on the issues that really matter. …whether they are those originally espoused by the Rhinoceros Party or not.
While the Rhinoceros Party is long gone, their ideals live on. It is my hope that each person who reads this will rise up and demand our politicians stop pandering to special interest, garner some common sense and trade their arrogance for a little self-respect and respect for the electorate.
As for the rest of us? Forget occupying parks with tent cities and tweeting one liners. Put pressure on candidates from whatever political party you support to stop their foolishness and start focusing on the issues that really matter. …whether they are those originally espoused by the Rhinoceros Party or not.
Enough is enough!
© 2012 Maggie's Bear
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